So 2012 is finally here and I have decided that I do not want an 'ordinary' year. Over Christmas I was saying to Ludo and my Pastor that I want 2012 to be peaceful, no ups and downs, just a smoothe year. Uh uh. The Holy Spirit has chastised me and told me that I am NOT meant for an ordinary life. I am created for extraordinary things and so are my children. We have an incredible life ahead of us, starting right here right now with an incredible 2012.
I have spent the last few days and will most likely spend the majority of January exploring what exactly that means. So far the Holy Spirit has led me to explore God's promises to us and He has led me to explore what His vision is for our family. This is something that Ludo and I will be exploring together throughout January. Without a plan or a vision we are set to wander and I do not want to wander. So January 2012 is about fixing my eyes on Jesus and gathering His plan for myself, Ludo for himself, for our family and for my business.
So far God has clearly spoken to me about charity. He has told me to go that extra mile in generosity and charity - what exactly He means by that I hope to uncover! We are reevaluating our giving in every area.
Another thing God has been speaking to me about through Proverbs (which I am also studying across January) is that although He has promised us so much, all of it has an antecedent of us doing something. He is very clear with us about the consequences to our actions, both good and bad, so we need to learn these and keep them close to our hearts. With this wisdom we can become truly accountable and that is very liberating. Right from the beginning we are called to 'do' - WE must open the door and THEN He will come in.
Here are a few promises for you:
- Listen to me and you will live in safety, be at ease and without fear of harm
- store up what God tells us and then we will understand the fear of the Lord and find knowledge of God to guide us
- Be discreet and you will be protected
- remember and practice what He tells you to do and He will prolong your life and give you prosperity
- Love and be faithful and you will win favour and a good name
- acknowledge Him in all that you do and He will keep your paths straight
- give the Lord your first fruits (not the dregs or what you 'think' is right!) and your barns will be filled to overflowing
It's really clear that wisdom will give us light and that if we don't have it we will be in the dark and have no idea of what is making us stumble. We're likely then to do the same stuff over and over again! Einstein's theory of insanity........ :)
So, swtich on the light - open the blinds - rise! Let's make 2012 a year of finding vision and fulfilling it: let's run that race putting the past behind us and straining in to the future
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
changing the way that we speak
What a week! It has been a fortnight of illness and sudden schedule-changes, so I just haven't been able to blog. I am embarrassed to admit that I have had very little quality one to one time with Jesus and He must feel very grieved by this. I always feel a little odd when I say things like this - why on earth would Jesus want to spend time with me, and why would it bother Him when we don't? What an honour that He loves us so much an likes us enough to want to spend time with us. And what a privilege that when we spend time with Him, He imparts His wisdom to us and helps to change us for the better. If we listen, that is! I am still studying James and today is the last day of my study of chapters 2 and the first half of chapter 3. I still thoroughly enjoy studying James. I just love 'calls to action' - nothing gives me more pleasure that leaving a sermon and being challenged to do or change something during the week. That's what I love about listening to Ludo speak - he always gives a few calls to action. On three Mondays out of the month we spend some time in the evening discussing God's challenges to us and, at the moment, we are studying Timothy. Ludo always leaves me inspired with a call to action for the week. This week mine ties in nicely with James 3 - taming the tongue!
In the field of behaviour analysis, we know that changing our public events (what we do on the outside) leads to a change in private events (what we do on the inside). The bible also tells us this - I get so glad when that happens. The bible and science join hands so perfectly and I love it when I see an intervention supported by the bible. That is my kind of intervention! Often with our clients at NETwork Interventions, Kadayer Christian Counselling who have depression and anxiety, the second stage of intervention is changing what we say and do, step by step. This changes what we think on the inside about our self and the world around us. Easier said than done, I know. There are very definite steps we need to take and we need to step out of many comfort zones and conquer lots of ground so as we don't slip back in to old patterns, but that is for another day. Many addictions are also maintained by internal dialogue (what we think) which reinforces the addiction pattern - we are doing some research on this at the moment and the results are wonderfully interesting. I will try to write more about that today.
It's important to remember that when we are changing a component of our behaviour, for example speech, that we be very specific about what we are changing. That way we can monitor success. It is easier to ask the Holy Spirit to prompt us when we have grieved Him and it is also helpful for those around us. We know from Behaviour Analysis (backed up by the bible :)), that those successful at changing their behaviour or the behaviour of others in the long term are those who have others around them and are accountable. This can be tough, but it is absolutely crucial to success. It is much harder for those you are accountable to to pick you up on 'unwise speech' for example, than it is for them to help you to change 'gossiping' or 'flattery'.
Firstly we must choose a component of behaviour (in this case, speech) we want to change - what is yours? Gossip? Swearing? Flattery?
Secondly we must define that component - what does it look like? Write a list of examples you want to reduce.
Thirdly let's replace that component of inappropriate behaviour with an appropriate behaviour. Write a list of replacements.
Fourthly - Annie has woken, so I need to go. I will finish this later and tell you what I am going to change this week!
Have a wonderful day
Lu
In the field of behaviour analysis, we know that changing our public events (what we do on the outside) leads to a change in private events (what we do on the inside). The bible also tells us this - I get so glad when that happens. The bible and science join hands so perfectly and I love it when I see an intervention supported by the bible. That is my kind of intervention! Often with our clients at NETwork Interventions, Kadayer Christian Counselling who have depression and anxiety, the second stage of intervention is changing what we say and do, step by step. This changes what we think on the inside about our self and the world around us. Easier said than done, I know. There are very definite steps we need to take and we need to step out of many comfort zones and conquer lots of ground so as we don't slip back in to old patterns, but that is for another day. Many addictions are also maintained by internal dialogue (what we think) which reinforces the addiction pattern - we are doing some research on this at the moment and the results are wonderfully interesting. I will try to write more about that today.
It's important to remember that when we are changing a component of our behaviour, for example speech, that we be very specific about what we are changing. That way we can monitor success. It is easier to ask the Holy Spirit to prompt us when we have grieved Him and it is also helpful for those around us. We know from Behaviour Analysis (backed up by the bible :)), that those successful at changing their behaviour or the behaviour of others in the long term are those who have others around them and are accountable. This can be tough, but it is absolutely crucial to success. It is much harder for those you are accountable to to pick you up on 'unwise speech' for example, than it is for them to help you to change 'gossiping' or 'flattery'.
Firstly we must choose a component of behaviour (in this case, speech) we want to change - what is yours? Gossip? Swearing? Flattery?
Secondly we must define that component - what does it look like? Write a list of examples you want to reduce.
Thirdly let's replace that component of inappropriate behaviour with an appropriate behaviour. Write a list of replacements.
Fourthly - Annie has woken, so I need to go. I will finish this later and tell you what I am going to change this week!
Have a wonderful day
Lu
Thursday, 3 November 2011
structure vs.schedule
I have had some emails from people about my blogs recently, and there is one in particular that I would love to answer. I was asked:
"Hey I've got a question for you regarding one of your blog or tweet topics. When you say that structure makes people feel secure, doesn't that also sometimes stop people from progressing? Because I have a structured life, Monday is dinner at one of my friend's house, Tuesday I grab McDonald's before going to a church kids club where I'm one of the leaders. Wednesday is dinner at another friend's house. Thursday is with [my daughter] one week and back to the Monday night friend's house for dinner before going to bible study. Friday is squash. My life is very structured but I think in it being so structured, I'm in a comfort zone and not going anywhere."
This is such a great question, and I am so glad that I have been asked this because I have been thinking over the past few days about the difference between schedule and structure and also about disciplines. I have decided that I think that a schedule is what you do, so what the guy above is talking about. For example, at 5.30am I get up and have my time with God, at 6.30am I have a coffee and a chat and a pray with my husband, on a Wednesday we go to toddler group etc etc. There are certain portions of my 'schedule' and my family's 'schedule' that don't change unless for a special event. For example, a non-negotiable in our house is that we attend church on a Sunday morning. A non-negotiable when our children are teenagers will be that they attend youth group. However, we are family that are always changing our location and our activities. I travel a lot, which means my baby (soon to be babies) travel a lot. My husband is self-employed which means sometimes he has a tonne of work, sometimes none. We both study - school schedules change frequently! Sometimes, however, we do get stuck in a rut with doing the same things day in day out because we are in a 'schedule/routine'. Because we never want our environment to limit us, just as we should want to prevent when we are teaching our learners who have autism and developmental delays, we sit down each Sunday evening and review our 'schedule' of the week. Is each portion or activity contributing to our vision for our family and also our goals for ourselves? If it isn't, we may need to review how we are spending our time. If it is a crazy-busy week, how are we going to protect the things which do spur us on, develop us, motivate us, encourage us? For example, how are we going to protect our study time, our devotional time, our couple time. How do I protect my business-development time with a busy family? I take a portion of each week to think these things through and each month my husband and I have a date during which we discuss our loose plan for the month - which disciplines and structures are family? Which do we want to introduce to our lives? So, in short, yes I do think that a reliance on schedule as opposed to structure can debilitate progress and extinguish motivation. Ensuring we have access to new activities and items contiually is really important for the motivation of everybody, not just learners who have autism or developmental delays. It is something to really consider.
Now to 'structure'. Although schedule is something that we are not rigid with in our home, and in our business Shelley and I strive not to tie ourselves up with schedule or our families and programmes up with schedule, structure is highly valued. I feel that structure is just knowing, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, what is expected of you and what you expect of others. Annie has always had a structure to her day - wherever we are she will sleep for certain time periods, eat at certain points. Annie knows the behavioural expectations of her, and I know the expectations that my husband has of me and vice versa. It is so important in relationship to be able to predict one another's behaviour. Boundaries and structure really do provide stability and allow development and motivation to flourish. To me, structure is all about consistency.
Does that answer your question? I am sure that I can speak about this for hours, and don't want to bore anybody!
"Hey I've got a question for you regarding one of your blog or tweet topics. When you say that structure makes people feel secure, doesn't that also sometimes stop people from progressing? Because I have a structured life, Monday is dinner at one of my friend's house, Tuesday I grab McDonald's before going to a church kids club where I'm one of the leaders. Wednesday is dinner at another friend's house. Thursday is with [my daughter] one week and back to the Monday night friend's house for dinner before going to bible study. Friday is squash. My life is very structured but I think in it being so structured, I'm in a comfort zone and not going anywhere."
This is such a great question, and I am so glad that I have been asked this because I have been thinking over the past few days about the difference between schedule and structure and also about disciplines. I have decided that I think that a schedule is what you do, so what the guy above is talking about. For example, at 5.30am I get up and have my time with God, at 6.30am I have a coffee and a chat and a pray with my husband, on a Wednesday we go to toddler group etc etc. There are certain portions of my 'schedule' and my family's 'schedule' that don't change unless for a special event. For example, a non-negotiable in our house is that we attend church on a Sunday morning. A non-negotiable when our children are teenagers will be that they attend youth group. However, we are family that are always changing our location and our activities. I travel a lot, which means my baby (soon to be babies) travel a lot. My husband is self-employed which means sometimes he has a tonne of work, sometimes none. We both study - school schedules change frequently! Sometimes, however, we do get stuck in a rut with doing the same things day in day out because we are in a 'schedule/routine'. Because we never want our environment to limit us, just as we should want to prevent when we are teaching our learners who have autism and developmental delays, we sit down each Sunday evening and review our 'schedule' of the week. Is each portion or activity contributing to our vision for our family and also our goals for ourselves? If it isn't, we may need to review how we are spending our time. If it is a crazy-busy week, how are we going to protect the things which do spur us on, develop us, motivate us, encourage us? For example, how are we going to protect our study time, our devotional time, our couple time. How do I protect my business-development time with a busy family? I take a portion of each week to think these things through and each month my husband and I have a date during which we discuss our loose plan for the month - which disciplines and structures are family? Which do we want to introduce to our lives? So, in short, yes I do think that a reliance on schedule as opposed to structure can debilitate progress and extinguish motivation. Ensuring we have access to new activities and items contiually is really important for the motivation of everybody, not just learners who have autism or developmental delays. It is something to really consider.
Now to 'structure'. Although schedule is something that we are not rigid with in our home, and in our business Shelley and I strive not to tie ourselves up with schedule or our families and programmes up with schedule, structure is highly valued. I feel that structure is just knowing, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, what is expected of you and what you expect of others. Annie has always had a structure to her day - wherever we are she will sleep for certain time periods, eat at certain points. Annie knows the behavioural expectations of her, and I know the expectations that my husband has of me and vice versa. It is so important in relationship to be able to predict one another's behaviour. Boundaries and structure really do provide stability and allow development and motivation to flourish. To me, structure is all about consistency.
Does that answer your question? I am sure that I can speak about this for hours, and don't want to bore anybody!
the miracle of Annie
I feel very prompted this morning to talk about the miracle of Annie. As you know, Ludo and I walk in miracles daily. We are so blessed to KNOW that our prayers will be answered, to KNOW the truth of Hebrews 13:5 - Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. God is so good, and He will never leave us without and He will never leave us without His protective hand to hold.
So, our beautiful Annie. The miracle of her began before she was born. I have had gynae problems forever and a day, the detail of which I will not bore you. The pain in 2009 had gotten so bad that the gynaes thought it best to do investigative surgery and to then remove my fallopian tube. This was scheduled for January 2010. Although we knew we had been told we couldn't have children it didn't bother us too much because we were hungry to adopt and I was not ready for babies. In fact, they were the last thing on my mind. I loved my new husband, my newly restored family and my new business. So we bought a puppy instead! Anyhow, on January 1st we did a pregnancy test because I needed to ensure I wasn't pregnant before my appointment the following week. Of course it was negative. On January 3rd we had a healing service at church where our heads were annointed by oil. I went up to get prayer for my hip and whilst I was there, our good friend Julie asked me to pray for healing for my bits and bobs. So, I thought, why not? As I was walking away, she came up to me and told me I was having a baby. hahahahahahahahaha. as if! On January 5th, second day of my Doctoratal studies, it was very snowy and I had an urge to do a pregnancy test. That was the beginning of our miracle baby, Annie. Be careful what you pray for!
More Annie miracles to come tomorrow!
Lu
So, our beautiful Annie. The miracle of her began before she was born. I have had gynae problems forever and a day, the detail of which I will not bore you. The pain in 2009 had gotten so bad that the gynaes thought it best to do investigative surgery and to then remove my fallopian tube. This was scheduled for January 2010. Although we knew we had been told we couldn't have children it didn't bother us too much because we were hungry to adopt and I was not ready for babies. In fact, they were the last thing on my mind. I loved my new husband, my newly restored family and my new business. So we bought a puppy instead! Anyhow, on January 1st we did a pregnancy test because I needed to ensure I wasn't pregnant before my appointment the following week. Of course it was negative. On January 3rd we had a healing service at church where our heads were annointed by oil. I went up to get prayer for my hip and whilst I was there, our good friend Julie asked me to pray for healing for my bits and bobs. So, I thought, why not? As I was walking away, she came up to me and told me I was having a baby. hahahahahahahahaha. as if! On January 5th, second day of my Doctoratal studies, it was very snowy and I had an urge to do a pregnancy test. That was the beginning of our miracle baby, Annie. Be careful what you pray for!
More Annie miracles to come tomorrow!
Lu
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
skinner on campus - I love this!
A psychologist at a girl’s college asked the members of his class to compliment any girl wearing red. Within a week the cafeteria was a blaze of red. None of the girls were aware of being influenced, although they did notice that the atmosphere was more friendly. A class at the University of Minnesota is reported to have conditioned their psychology professor a week after he told them about learning without awareness. Every time he moved toward the right side of the room, they paid more attention and laughed more uproariously at his jokes, until apparently they were able to condition him right out the door.– W. Lambert Gardiner, Psychology: A Story of a Search, 1970
Sunday, 30 October 2011
the proof is in the pudding
I meet with my wonderful pastor's wife (I am not sure why I call her that, as actually she is the associate pastor at our church and therefore my pastor within its own right!) once a month for a time of study, reflection and 'refining' (her helping to refine me, not the other way around!). This time is very precious to me and I really do feel enables me to run my race better.
One of my favourite 'mottos' is a phrase from the bible about pressing on. This is what I aim to do, and I love that my pastor's wife is willing to jig me further along my 'race' in lfe. We have a very complex family, a very 'unscheduled' life, multiple jobs and multiple job roles between Ludo and I, so we are certainly not an easy 'client' for Cathy and Graham (our pastors) to take on! Anyhow, one of my favourite verses is from Philippians 3: 13-14:
"forgetting the past and looking to the future to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us".
Just a wonderful, wonderful verse. It is all in the pressing on - working towards letting go of the past, including past behaviours, and running your race well. Finding out what your particular race is and running it well. This is what my ministry at Kadayer is all about. I love working with individuals and family units to help them to achieve this, and I am now in the extremely exciting position to have been asked by a rather large 'company' of churches to come on board their team to do just this for their pastors and interns. Wow! What a huge blessing. God had told me at the beginning of this year that I would be a church psychologist (that is no an actual position though!) and I was like, yeah God okay. Can you not see I have a family, a business, a ministry and a baby? So he was right. Again.
Anyhow, I digress. My assigment for this month from Cathy is to study James - in fact, we have been studying it for a while but she is teaching me to really study and meditate and apply the bible to my life all day, every day. It has been such a rich addition to my life, and my 5.30am starts are just when God wants me to be doing this with Him and learning from Him. Every strand comes together in the end!
This month I am studying James 2 & 3. What has really struck me is that the proof really is in the pudding. The more I learn about the bible, the more I see it proven in science. My work and my ministry is all about using proven strategies, research and behaviour analytic and psychological methods to help people to achieve their goals, be it individuals overcoming trauma, abuse, depression, anxiety, families healing and thriving as a unit (whatever that unit looks like), or teaching children with autism and language delays to talk, it all comes from the research and is 'proven'. We cannot and must not improvise or mess with behaviour - it is complex, it is messy and it is potentially dangerous. However, the more I now study the bible the more I see that the bible and science go exactly hand in hand. I am yet to discover a contradiction.
So, 'proof is in the pudding'. I always work with my clients to teach them how to overcome their past and press on to finish their race well, whether that be their past of not being able to talk, their past as a non christian, their past in an abusive relationship or just bettering themeslves to better their future walks. The proof is always in what they do and what they think and we take data and track patterns to prove things are working. The bible, in particular James, says just that. Faith and action must work together. We cannot just have faith and hope for the best. It is up to us to action what we need to in order to achieve our goals and our path God has for us. Sometimes this is hard and needs a professional or a team, such as http://www.kadayer.co.uk/ or http://www.networkinterventions.com/ to help you to achieve this. The key is that we must do this for ourselves, as well as in our deeds for others. If we are unable to help ourselves, how can we truly help others? We are very clearly called to press on, because a person is justified by what he does not just by faith alone. James says that faith without deeds is dead - harsh words, but true! If we cling to our baggage and our problems, we are not pressing on with our race.
True faith transforms our conduct as well as our thoughts. If our lives remain unchanged, we can't truly believe the truths we claim to believe. It is okay to ask for help to change our lives! Behaviour is impossible to change ourselves, without changing something in our environment - the research says! Now I am not saying that deeds (be it changing ourselves or doing good deeds for others, which changing ourselves allows) is a substitute for our faith, not at all. Paul teaches us very clearly on this. What I am saying is that a changed life is verification of our faith in Jesus.
Faith always results in a changed life. Faith always results in a changed self. Faith should always result in good deeds. My NIV study guide tells me that true faith is a committment of your whole self to God - I like this. In getting help, which I am a strong advocate of as you know, we are committing our whole self to God and to His change for us. My NIV also tells me that faith brings us salvation, but that active obedience demonstrates that our faith is genuine. I like this too.
Happy Sunday, everybody
Lu
One of my favourite 'mottos' is a phrase from the bible about pressing on. This is what I aim to do, and I love that my pastor's wife is willing to jig me further along my 'race' in lfe. We have a very complex family, a very 'unscheduled' life, multiple jobs and multiple job roles between Ludo and I, so we are certainly not an easy 'client' for Cathy and Graham (our pastors) to take on! Anyhow, one of my favourite verses is from Philippians 3: 13-14:
"forgetting the past and looking to the future to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us".
Just a wonderful, wonderful verse. It is all in the pressing on - working towards letting go of the past, including past behaviours, and running your race well. Finding out what your particular race is and running it well. This is what my ministry at Kadayer is all about. I love working with individuals and family units to help them to achieve this, and I am now in the extremely exciting position to have been asked by a rather large 'company' of churches to come on board their team to do just this for their pastors and interns. Wow! What a huge blessing. God had told me at the beginning of this year that I would be a church psychologist (that is no an actual position though!) and I was like, yeah God okay. Can you not see I have a family, a business, a ministry and a baby? So he was right. Again.
Anyhow, I digress. My assigment for this month from Cathy is to study James - in fact, we have been studying it for a while but she is teaching me to really study and meditate and apply the bible to my life all day, every day. It has been such a rich addition to my life, and my 5.30am starts are just when God wants me to be doing this with Him and learning from Him. Every strand comes together in the end!
This month I am studying James 2 & 3. What has really struck me is that the proof really is in the pudding. The more I learn about the bible, the more I see it proven in science. My work and my ministry is all about using proven strategies, research and behaviour analytic and psychological methods to help people to achieve their goals, be it individuals overcoming trauma, abuse, depression, anxiety, families healing and thriving as a unit (whatever that unit looks like), or teaching children with autism and language delays to talk, it all comes from the research and is 'proven'. We cannot and must not improvise or mess with behaviour - it is complex, it is messy and it is potentially dangerous. However, the more I now study the bible the more I see that the bible and science go exactly hand in hand. I am yet to discover a contradiction.
So, 'proof is in the pudding'. I always work with my clients to teach them how to overcome their past and press on to finish their race well, whether that be their past of not being able to talk, their past as a non christian, their past in an abusive relationship or just bettering themeslves to better their future walks. The proof is always in what they do and what they think and we take data and track patterns to prove things are working. The bible, in particular James, says just that. Faith and action must work together. We cannot just have faith and hope for the best. It is up to us to action what we need to in order to achieve our goals and our path God has for us. Sometimes this is hard and needs a professional or a team, such as http://www.kadayer.co.uk/ or http://www.networkinterventions.com/ to help you to achieve this. The key is that we must do this for ourselves, as well as in our deeds for others. If we are unable to help ourselves, how can we truly help others? We are very clearly called to press on, because a person is justified by what he does not just by faith alone. James says that faith without deeds is dead - harsh words, but true! If we cling to our baggage and our problems, we are not pressing on with our race.
True faith transforms our conduct as well as our thoughts. If our lives remain unchanged, we can't truly believe the truths we claim to believe. It is okay to ask for help to change our lives! Behaviour is impossible to change ourselves, without changing something in our environment - the research says! Now I am not saying that deeds (be it changing ourselves or doing good deeds for others, which changing ourselves allows) is a substitute for our faith, not at all. Paul teaches us very clearly on this. What I am saying is that a changed life is verification of our faith in Jesus.
Faith always results in a changed life. Faith always results in a changed self. Faith should always result in good deeds. My NIV study guide tells me that true faith is a committment of your whole self to God - I like this. In getting help, which I am a strong advocate of as you know, we are committing our whole self to God and to His change for us. My NIV also tells me that faith brings us salvation, but that active obedience demonstrates that our faith is genuine. I like this too.
Happy Sunday, everybody
Lu
Saturday, 29 October 2011
what is motivation and how do we get it?
Motivation is not a new concept - it has been around for years and is firmly ensconsed in literature surrounding many fields.There are lots of new fads around motivation, motivational speakers and motivational coaches. For these to be successful though, we need to be able to 'teach' motivation, not just talk about it. It's essential that we understand what motivation is, what it is not and what causes it to be present and not present. It is a surprisingly complex concept that effects every single thing we do in life and the effect the environment has on us, both inside us and outside of us, in our thoughts and in the things we do and don't do.
Behaviour Analysts are experts in the field of motivation and here at NETwork Interventions, we pride ourselves in our ability to teach it to children and adults. More importantly, we pride ourselves in our ability to teach you why you or your child is not motivated for a particular thing, activity or area and then fill the gap and teach that motivation. I am not saying that we should teach boys motivated by ballet to be motivated by rugby, or that we should teach people naturally motivated by one on one relationships to be gregarious social butterflies. Not at all - God has given us all different giftings in different arears.
When a lack of motivation for a certain area, such as social interaction or to speak, is caused by a lack of a skill (what we would call a skill deficit) that is when we can do something about it. There are two sides to this, and I am not going to debate the pros and cons to both. One side accept their child, spouse or self as having the skill deficit and lack of motivation and embrace that world of lack of social interaction of language, for example. The other observe the skill deficit, teach the skill and then the motivation to be all that they can be.
I am in the latter camp. If Annie, my little girl, does not have the motivation to interact at a party (like today), I look at why she does not have that motivation. If it is a skill deficit, which in this case it was because she did not know what to do, I give her the skill (I prompted her to sign 'help' to a little girl and the little girl helped her to dance to the music) and then see if her motivation for that activity increases. Well after Annie could sign help and get the instruction on what to do, she danced to the whole activity and smiled and showed many signs of motivation. If Ludo, my husband, has no motivation to complete his essays then I look at why those essays aren't getting done. Is he missing skills? In Ludo's recent case, he did not have the skills to tackle completion of the task - he did not know how to do a proper bibliography and reference as he has never been to college. So he looked to get taught these skills, attended a class, and is now completing his essays at a much faster pace. I assumed that when the essays weren't getting done he was being 'lazy' and 'couldn't be bothered'. Then I looked further. Oh how bad I felt!
When i procastinate on a task, or when I am not motivated to do something then it is often due to a lack of a skill-set. When I acquire that skill-set, my motivation soars. Of course I am never going to be a champion rower, nor am I never going to be a mathematician. But with the skills in maths, I am motivated to complete my accounts. Without those skills, I will procastinate and not be motivated.
How many people look at our children and think they are lazy? How often does society look at the adult who stays isolated and collects things and label them 'odd' and socially ignorant/lazy/insert untruth here......?
I spoke with two parents this week of children who were not motivated socially. Both mums phoned me to have a chat to see if I could help their child become more motivated to have friends and sustain friendships. Firstly we needed to look at whether or not their child was naturally motivated by their own company and small group company, or if motivation hadn't developed or had died due to missing skills. We asked a few questions, such as:
- 'do you have to draw information out of your child?'
- 'does your child label things in his or her environment spontaneously to you?'
- 'does you child ask for information, such as when, why, how, where, what?'
- 'does your child ask for attention, such as look at me, listen to me, look at that, listen to that, wow it's a .....?'
-'is your child able to answer questions about what he/she does, did and is going to do?'
It the answer was no to any of the above questions, there is a definite skill deficit and we need to learn some skills. Your child can be 4 or 44, but can still acquire these new skills and then become motivated.
The reality is, if we start with motivation in an area but we don't have the tools in our skill-set to access reinforcement (good stuff) in that area, the motivation will die and the behaviours we were engaging in to be motivated and to get stuff done will die. That can be anything from language to social interaction to administrative tasks, through to a business project.
If there are skill deficits, let's teach those missing skills and allow motivation to naturally flourish. If motivation is not present where it is supposed to be present, the likelihood is that we will engage in some very inappropriate behaviours over the course of time ranging from apathy and/or depression through to frustration and/or rage. Let's equip our individuals with the skills they need to be motivated and to thrive.
Equipped individuals = equipped parents = equipped families = equipped communities = equipped world. Let's start with the individual.
Motivating the ONE will motivate the whole, and nobody is beyond motivating
Behaviour Analysts are experts in the field of motivation and here at NETwork Interventions, we pride ourselves in our ability to teach it to children and adults. More importantly, we pride ourselves in our ability to teach you why you or your child is not motivated for a particular thing, activity or area and then fill the gap and teach that motivation. I am not saying that we should teach boys motivated by ballet to be motivated by rugby, or that we should teach people naturally motivated by one on one relationships to be gregarious social butterflies. Not at all - God has given us all different giftings in different arears.
When a lack of motivation for a certain area, such as social interaction or to speak, is caused by a lack of a skill (what we would call a skill deficit) that is when we can do something about it. There are two sides to this, and I am not going to debate the pros and cons to both. One side accept their child, spouse or self as having the skill deficit and lack of motivation and embrace that world of lack of social interaction of language, for example. The other observe the skill deficit, teach the skill and then the motivation to be all that they can be.
I am in the latter camp. If Annie, my little girl, does not have the motivation to interact at a party (like today), I look at why she does not have that motivation. If it is a skill deficit, which in this case it was because she did not know what to do, I give her the skill (I prompted her to sign 'help' to a little girl and the little girl helped her to dance to the music) and then see if her motivation for that activity increases. Well after Annie could sign help and get the instruction on what to do, she danced to the whole activity and smiled and showed many signs of motivation. If Ludo, my husband, has no motivation to complete his essays then I look at why those essays aren't getting done. Is he missing skills? In Ludo's recent case, he did not have the skills to tackle completion of the task - he did not know how to do a proper bibliography and reference as he has never been to college. So he looked to get taught these skills, attended a class, and is now completing his essays at a much faster pace. I assumed that when the essays weren't getting done he was being 'lazy' and 'couldn't be bothered'. Then I looked further. Oh how bad I felt!
When i procastinate on a task, or when I am not motivated to do something then it is often due to a lack of a skill-set. When I acquire that skill-set, my motivation soars. Of course I am never going to be a champion rower, nor am I never going to be a mathematician. But with the skills in maths, I am motivated to complete my accounts. Without those skills, I will procastinate and not be motivated.
How many people look at our children and think they are lazy? How often does society look at the adult who stays isolated and collects things and label them 'odd' and socially ignorant/lazy/insert untruth here......?
I spoke with two parents this week of children who were not motivated socially. Both mums phoned me to have a chat to see if I could help their child become more motivated to have friends and sustain friendships. Firstly we needed to look at whether or not their child was naturally motivated by their own company and small group company, or if motivation hadn't developed or had died due to missing skills. We asked a few questions, such as:
- 'do you have to draw information out of your child?'
- 'does your child label things in his or her environment spontaneously to you?'
- 'does you child ask for information, such as when, why, how, where, what?'
- 'does your child ask for attention, such as look at me, listen to me, look at that, listen to that, wow it's a .....?'
-'is your child able to answer questions about what he/she does, did and is going to do?'
It the answer was no to any of the above questions, there is a definite skill deficit and we need to learn some skills. Your child can be 4 or 44, but can still acquire these new skills and then become motivated.
The reality is, if we start with motivation in an area but we don't have the tools in our skill-set to access reinforcement (good stuff) in that area, the motivation will die and the behaviours we were engaging in to be motivated and to get stuff done will die. That can be anything from language to social interaction to administrative tasks, through to a business project.
If there are skill deficits, let's teach those missing skills and allow motivation to naturally flourish. If motivation is not present where it is supposed to be present, the likelihood is that we will engage in some very inappropriate behaviours over the course of time ranging from apathy and/or depression through to frustration and/or rage. Let's equip our individuals with the skills they need to be motivated and to thrive.
Equipped individuals = equipped parents = equipped families = equipped communities = equipped world. Let's start with the individual.
Motivating the ONE will motivate the whole, and nobody is beyond motivating
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